1) Stop hanging out at so many bars and start spending more time at coffee shops. Let’s be real, what kind of people do you meet in bars? Think about it. Do you really think you’re going to find your soulmate when you’re knee deep in pickle backs? No, you’re not. People go to coffee shops to get shit done. People go to bars to avoid getting shit done. What kind of person do you want to meet? And more importantly, what kind of person do you want to BE?
2) What’s that? You hate people who post gym pics on Instagram? Aka you’re jealous of someone who is bettering their body and their life? Interesting. Tell me more.
3) Do not, under any circumstance, EVER feel guilty for taking a day to yourself. It will do nothing but make you a better, less-stressed, HAPPIER person. I don’t care what kind of type-A, crazy motivated person you are. Your friends will thank you, your boss will thank you, and you will thank yourself.
4) So you slept with him and you’re wondering why he won’t text you back? Seriously? He will never text you again. You did this to yourself. But honestly, in my experience, the kind of person you sleep with on a first date isn’t exactly the kind of person you want to date. So maybe you’re better off in the end.
5) If the person you’re dating tells you that you can’t do something you love, break up with them immediately. I spent 8 months of my life not eating donuts or listening to my favorite band or going to my favorite bar. I am a goddamn fool.
6) Scratch that actually, if ANYONE, EVER, tells you that you can’t do something you love, erase them from your life. Hit delete immediately. FUCK THAT SHIT. Do not let anyone steal your happiness. It’s all you really have.
7) I swear to god I’m going to smack the next person who tells me they had unprotected sex. YOU ARE STUPID. ACTUALLY STUPID. HOPE IT WAS WORTH GETTING WARTS ALL OVER YOUR PRIVATE PARTS FOR. THE. REST. OF. YOUR. LIFE.
8) And finally, as my mother so eloquently puts it, sometimes you’ve just gotta drink a whole peanut butter chocolate milkshake.
So much love for you,