1. Anonymous said: Hi, I followed you on college kids and now this blog. Can you please help me? My boyfriend broke up with me and I'm absolutely devastated. He said we need to work on ourselves before we can be together but we're running out of time and he said there's nothing I can say to make him change my mind. Do you have any advice?

    I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but it’s what you need to hear - MOVE ON.

    Your heart is going to hurt, and it won’t be easy, but things will get better with everyday that passes. I PROMISE you this. He very clearly doesn’t want to be with you right now, and why would you ever want to be with someone who doesn’t want you?

    I can say all this because I went through a god-awful break up exactly a year ago. I was a wreck. I couldn’t imagine a life without him, and I didn’t want one. I cried on the sidewalk, in the bathroom at my job, in front of strangers. It was horrible and I am now embarrassed and shocked by the way I acted for those few months.

    The first thing you need to do is purge. Put all the photographs and memories in a box under your bed. Block him on Instagram. Unfriend him on Facebook. DO NOT CHECK IN ON HIM, this will bring you back to the start every time. The less you know about his life the better. And knowing nothing will be the best.

    Next, keep busy. After my last break up I dove into work projects head first. I went to Crossfit 5x a week. I started reading like it was nobody’s business. I wrote a ton. I went to dinner at new restaurants with my friends every Friday night. I didn’t give myself a second to be bored or alone. You will be exhausted out of your mind but you won’t have enough time to be sad.

    I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but I can guarantee you it will be worth it. You’re going to get sad and you’re going to cry, but you will be happy again. I can tell you that now, 12 months after my break up, I am happier, independent, and in the best shape of my life. I realize how much he held me back and I am doing things I NEVER would have done if I stayed with him.

    Look at this as a time to live your life for you! And remember I am here for you if you ever need anything.

    Always,
    C

     


  2. RULES TO LIVE BY PART 19

    1) Do one thing for yourself everyday. Cook a nice dinner, paint your fingernails, have a cup of tea and listen to your favorite songs before bed. Your mind will thank you.

    2) Stop hitting the snooze buttons. Studies show that hitting the snooze button and getting that “extra” 10 minutes of sleep actually makes you more tired.

    3) Get up! Make time in every day for at least 15 minutes of physical activity. Sit at a desk? Take a small walk during your lunch break. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Park your car at the spot furthest away from the store entrance. Every little bit counts.

    4) Be grateful. A small “thank you” goes a long way (for both parties).

    5) Stop focusing on the negative. Force positive thoughts into your head. Look at your hands, look at your feet. Remember that you are alive and you’re here and you’ve made it this far. Anything is possible.

    6) Eat healthy, wholesome foods. And a lot of them. Never let yourself get “hangry” (hungry+angry). Need to start off small? Try to eat one vegetable with every meal. Too much? Eat one vegetable a day. Some things take time.

    7) Delete your online dating apps. Do something for yourself instead of swiping through Tinder for 2 hours.

    8) Stop comparing yourself to other people. Everyone is on their own journey. Your time will come. I promise.

    9) Drink water. Straight-up water, not tea or seltzer. Have a full glass right now, your body needs it.

    10) Not happy with what your life? Change it. You will never be as young and as capable as you are at this very moment. Life begins where your comfort zone ends.

    Love always,

    C

    Follow me on Instagram! @ chelseazeferina

     


  3. ON BEING ALONE FOREVER

    I’ve been single for over 8 months now. Independent woman, rarely any hook ups, barely any one night stands. A lot of nights alone, with my ipad, watching reality television shows. A lot of work, a ton of Crossfit, a couple solo movie trips. And I’m…okay with it. Well, most times. I’m the most healthy and the most sane when I’m alone, especially this time around. I do things for me everyday. I live my life on my own schedule. But lately I’ve been having those creeping moments of loneliness a little more frequently.

    The other day I was out with a friend and was a little tipsy after ~one cocktail~ and spun around in my chair and blurted out “but wHAT IF IM ALONE FOREVER?”

    What if I never meet someone who makes me THAT happy again? What if I’ll always just be happier and better alone?

    And my friend turned to me and said, “You know, it’s what you do when you’re alone that’s important. What are you going to do to make this period in your life worthwhile? That’s what matters right now. Not when you’ll meet someone new”

    And I realized just how right he was. I should be more grateful of my time alone. More proud I am of what I’m accomplishing and the person I’ve grown into over the past few months. Right now, that should be enough for me. And it is.

    Love always,
    C

     


  4. RULES TO LIVE BY PART 17

    If a guy says he’s a nice guy, he’s not a nice guy. If a girl says she’s not crazy, she’s crazy.

    If the dude you fall for ends up being a coke dealer, abandon ship ASAP. If the next dude you fall for ends up being a coke dealer, it’s time to lock yourself in your room for a very long time and think what horrible, terrible decisions you’ve made to end up here.

    No instagramming first dates. Ever. EVER.

    If someone won’t meet you at a location halfway between the two of you for a first date, then they’ll never meet you halfway on anything. I promise you.

    You know those friends that you only get wasted with and never even spend time with sober? Yeah, maybe it’s time to revaluate those “friendships”.

    Do something new at least once a week. Check out the latest exhibit at the museum, take a writing class, hang out at a new coffee shop, anything. Life is too short to be lived on repeat.

    Maybe instead of being that nasty person who says rude things and upsets people, you could instead make a conscious effort to be that genuinely nice person who turns someone’s day around. Just a thought. It’s a lot easier than you think.

    Be kind to yourself. You can either be your own best friend of your own worst enemy. It’s your choice.

    Love you,

    C

     


  5. THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU’RE SAD

    1) Go for a walk with a friend.
    2) Go for a walk alone.
    3) Take a long shower. Showers can be life-altering.
    4) Clean your room. If you’re anything like me when I’m upset, it probably really needs it.
    5) Read a book.
    6) Paint your nails bright red.
    7) Watch Pretty Woman.
    8) Drink iced tea.
    9) Catch up with an old friend.
    10) Be EXTRA nice to people.
    11) Make something.
    12) Light candles.
    13) Work out like crazy.
    14) Do yoga.
    15) Eat clean.
    16) Write ANYTHING- a list, a letter, a novel.
    17) Make plans. Big or small. Give yourself something to look forward to.
    18) Cry (sometimes you just need to let it all out).
    19) Stay busy.
    20) Try something new.
    21) Remember how far you’ve come.
    22) Listen to the music you listened to growing up.
    23) Hydrate.
    24) Watch Louis CK.
    25) Find a dog. Pet it.
    26) Remember it can always get worse.
    27) Remember it will always get better.

    Love you,
    C