1. Home is where the heart is.

     


  2. Great people do things before they’re ready. They do things before they know they can do them. Doing what you’re afraid of, getting out of your comfort zone, taking risks like that - that’s what life is.
    —  Amy Poehler (via ofmiceandminimalists)

    This. Always.

     


  3. RULES TO LIVE BY PART 13

    1) Stop hanging out at so many bars and start spending more time at coffee shops. Let’s be real, what kind of people do you meet in bars? Think about it. Do you really think you’re going to find your soulmate when you’re knee deep in pickle backs? No, you’re not. People go to coffee shops to get shit done. People go to bars to avoid getting shit done. What kind of person do you want to meet? And more importantly, what kind of person do you want to BE?

    2) What’s that? You hate people who post gym pics on Instagram? Aka you’re jealous of someone who is bettering their body and their life? Interesting. Tell me more.

    3) Do not, under any circumstance, EVER feel guilty for taking a day to yourself. It will do nothing but make you a better, less-stressed, HAPPIER person. I don’t care what kind of type-A, crazy motivated person you are. Your friends will thank you, your boss will thank you, and you will thank yourself.

    4) So you slept with him and you’re wondering why he won’t text you back? Seriously? He will never text you again. You did this to yourself. But honestly, in my experience, the kind of person you sleep with on a first date isn’t exactly the kind of person you want to date. So maybe you’re better off in the end.

    5) If the person you’re dating tells you that you can’t do something you love, break up with them immediately. I spent 8 months of my life not eating donuts or listening to my favorite band or going to my favorite bar. I am a goddamn fool.

    6) Scratch that actually, if ANYONE, EVER, tells you that you can’t do something you love, erase them from your life. Hit delete immediately. FUCK THAT SHIT. Do not let anyone steal your happiness. It’s all you really have.

    7) I swear to god I’m going to smack the next person who tells me they had unprotected sex. YOU ARE STUPID. ACTUALLY STUPID. HOPE IT WAS WORTH GETTING WARTS ALL OVER YOUR PRIVATE PARTS FOR. THE. REST. OF. YOUR. LIFE.

    8) And finally, as my mother so eloquently puts it, sometimes you’ve just gotta drink a whole peanut butter chocolate milkshake.

    So much love for you,

    C

     


  4. ON GIVING GOOD GUYS A CHANCE

    I’m notoriously known for dating assholes. It’s just a fact. Brunette, Brooklynite, 5’3”, loves being treated like shit. It’s just common knowledge amongst my friends, coworkers, and of course, all you guys. I always want what I can’t have, and I always want to prove everyone wrong. “He’s going to hurt you”. No he won’t, and I’ll PROVE IT TO YOU. Until I…can’t. And my heart is left in a million pieces on the floor.

    So I went on an okcupid date the other week. 28, Park Slope, hedgefund. I was honestly planning on bailing, everything about him was pretty foreign to me, seeing as to how I only date men who are unemployed and/or homeless (yet another flattering characteristic I’m know for). Long story short, we met up at Barcade. Which for those of you who don’t know, it’s a pretty popular Williamsburg bar that’s packed with obscure arcade games.

    Within the first minute I knew what I had gotten myself into. He was a nice guy. Which, for some god-awful twisted reason, I immediately associated with being gay. Nice guys=gay. Assholes=masculine and sexy. I don’t know how this sick idea got into my head, but it’s there.

    He was a true blue southern boy. Said y’all and everything. In any other situation I would have immediately shut down any option of this working out, but he was nice. And I need nice. I really, really need nice. So I gave it a go. He bought me beer and we played video games. We walked to the train and he kissed me, and said “I hope this isn’t too much for a first date”, and he meant it. I live in a world where dudes try to shove their dick up your ass without even knowing your name. A kiss? Too much?

    Fast forward a few days: he took me out to a fancy dinner for our second date. I slept at his place, he was still nice. On our third date he paid for my long cab ride home. Still nice.

    Man I know it’s way too early to assume anything, and I’m sure there’s something wrong with him (there HAS to be). But I just got out of an abusive as fuck relationship and I haven’t had someone be genuinely kind to me in so long.

    Man. What have I been waiting for? What are you waiting for? You deserve the best. I mean this with everything in me.

    Love you. Love yourself.

    C

     


  5. RULES TO LIVE BY PART 12

    1) Do not date a man whose number one priority is his facial hair. No one should have to tell you this.

    2) If you go to a job interview with mega chipped nail polish then you don’t deserve the job. You’re just saying “Sorry I don’t give enough of a fuck about this position to take 30 seconds out of my day to rub this shit off my fingers”

    3) If you promise to make a conscious effort to chew gum with your mouth closed then I will too.

    4) You know how they say you should date people who used to be fat and then lost all the weight? Because they don’t have an ego/are sensitive/nice people etc? It’s not true. Skinny people can be assholes. Fat people can be assholes. Skinny people who used to be fat can most definitely be assholes.

    5) You don’t need to eat LESS. You need to eat more WHOLESOMELY. Think about it. Starving yourself will get you nowhere.

    6) Number one rule: next time you see someone you’ll most likely never see again and you think they’re sorta cute, you have to say something. HAVE TO. ITS BETTER TO TRY AND FAIL THAN TO NOT TRY AT ALL, MY LOVES. And how psyched would you be if someone randomly said hello to you? Pretty fucking psyched.

    7) You NEED to take time to yourself each week. I’m talking go to the coffee shop, read a book, paint your nails. And no, The time you spend sitting on the subway alone doesn’t count. Be good to yourself.

    8) Try to give the good guy/girl a chance once in a while. Maybe they’ll surprise you.

    9) If you go to someone’s apartment and they have stacks of dirty dishes/clothes all over/ garbage on the floor…in god’s fucking name please do yourself a favor and leave. Do not involve yourself in that shit.

    Love always,

    C